Episode 33: When Will I Feel Like Myself Again as a Working Mom?
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In this episode, we're answering the common question many working moms ask themselves: "When will I feel like myself again?" Whether you're navigating the early days of postpartum, adjusting to the demands of parenthood, or just feeling disconnected from the version of you that used to be, you're not alone. Host Katelyn shares her personal experience with this journey and offers a powerful exercise, the "Venn Diagram of You," to help you reconnect with the parts of you and your life that you miss most. This episode is a reminder that feeling like yourself again is 100% within your control. And that it’s not about going back but creating a new version of you for this new season of your life. Tune in for practical tips, encouragement, and a fresh perspective on how to bring the old you into your current reality.
In this episode, you’ll learn…
00:29 Why we feel so disconnected from who we are
02:14 Katelyn's personal experience
04:43 What is the timeline?
07:15 This is within your control
08:36 The Venn Diagram of You exercise
11:18 Creating who you are in this season of life
16:49 How we use this exercise in coaching
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
Download the worksheet: The Venn Diagram of You
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Hi, and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. How are you this week? The sun is shining here when I'm recording this and it is breathing new life into me. despite having consistently taken my vitamin D throughout the winter, there's nothing like feeling the sunshine on your skin. It feels so good.
Unfortunately, I'm still a little bit congested, but we're going to. Do the best that we can today with recording. This is the cold that just will not go away. And it's interesting to compare the topic for today with when we are feeling under the weather or not well. Wondering, when will I be healthy again?
When will I feel like myself again? Or for me right now, when will I breathe like myself again? This is such a common question, and whether you are expecting, you're pregnant, and you are missing the body that you knew, the ease with which maybe you moved through the world or bent over or got out of a chair, whether you maybe have recently had a baby, And you're in that sleepless night, endless feeding and diaper changing stage with very little time to think about anything else, or perhaps you are out of that baby stage and your kids maybe are even older and you miss the version of yourself who used to be fun or more carefree or insert whatever it is that you miss here.
It is a question that I have definitely asked myself. It's one that I routinely coach clients around. And I know that it is super common because that Google search, when will I feel like myself again, sends hundreds of people to my website each month. I have the stats to prove it. So if you are asking the same thing,
you are so not alone. For me, after I had my oldest, Henry, I was, of course, so happy to see my toes again. I was so excited to get out of my maternity clothes, to have some sushi, to drink my favorite beer, all of those things that we enjoy after we move on from pregnancy. But I share openly and admit openly that as my maternity leave came to an end, I had 12 weeks from my corporate job.
I was looking forward to going back to work. There were many reasons for this. I had been at home with a colicky baby, which is very exhausting. If you've not experienced that, a sleepless child as well, one who just could not sleep for any. I was looking forward to having adult conversations with regularity.
I was looking forward to having autonomy over when I went to the bathroom and just being able to drink a hot cup of coffee at my desk instead of in between feedings and changings. But there was also, I realize this now looking back, there was a part of me that thought, once I go back to work, Once I get back into my old routines, doing the work that I know I'm good at, that I would feel like myself again.
That that would bring me back. That would bring the old Katelyn back. When so much changes in your life, it is natural. to want to feel quote unquote normal again to experience things that are familiar from clothes to routines to what we eat and who we see and what we do. But the key word here in all of this is feel.
When will I feel like myself again? And what is it that creates that feeling? Now I imagine anyone who is typing that question into the search bar of Google. I always picture this as a middle of the night Google search, right? You're up with a crying baby or you're feeding or you're just, I don't know, it's late at night and the sky feels like it's falling.
And so what do we do? We open up Google and we search. We want to know we're not alone. We want to find the answers. And so someone who is searching, when will I feel like myself again, that person probably wants a timeline. They want to know, is it going to take six months? A year? Am I looking at five years?
What can I expect? Or is it normal? Is what I'm experiencing normal? Is it normal to have a five year old and still not feel like myself again? What about if my kids are teenagers? Or is it the two year mark where things will really start to shift into place and I'll feel more comfortable and grounded in who I am?
Having a timeline helps you in so many ways, but it helps you gauge. Where am I in that timeline?
Maybe it helps you see the light at the end of the tunnel. All right, six more months of this, and then things will shift. Or maybe it provides you with some proof or some justification or validation that it is time to get help. You've given it long enough for it to work itself out. You're past what everyone else has said they've experienced, and so something is up here.
\ it's time to figure this out. Without a timeline, you're just moving from day to day in what feels like a very gray area, wondering, will today be the day that I feel like myself again? Will today be the day for me right now that I am healthy again? Or is this my new normal?
Is the way that I feel right now how I'm going to feel indefinitely?
I so wish that right now I could give you a timeline. Maybe there's a study out there, though I highly doubt it because this is so subjective, that says on average this is when you would start to feel like yourself again. This is the timeline that the average person experiences. But the reality is that it's different for everyone.
And, it's also a bit of a rollercoaster ride along the way. That two steps forward, one step back, or one week I'm feeling really great and so connected to myself, and the next, I have a sick kid and this huge looming deadline at work, and I'm completely anxious. And I'm like, what happened to me? Where did I go?
Part of this is that you have changed. I have changed. You have changed. We have all changed as we've stepped into parenthood. You've taken on this completely new role. Your life has changed in so many ways. There are parts of you and parts of your life that have changed. Won't ever go back to the way they were and you can feel however you want to feel about that permission to feel However, you want to feel about that you can grieve if that is where you are I know I went through a grieving process After my son was born Paired with my postpartum depression and anxiety, there were so many things that I missed.
I missed my freedom to just think about myself, to have the time to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, really. And so that's okay if that is where you are, too. It's a part of this process. But I do want to offer some hope, and that is that feeling Like yourself is 100 percent in your control. We think that it depends on our circumstances, on what's outside of us, but it is actually within your control.
Here's what I mean. So, one of my favorite exercises I did this recently with a private coaching client and it just reminded me of how powerful this exercise is, how powerful this work is. I call it the Venn Diagram of You. I know, super original, it's what I came up with years ago when I created this. And you can actually download a PDF worksheet that goes along with what I'm going to explain here in, in the rest of this episode.
So if you want to grab a copy of that, print it out, fill it out for yourself, you can go to. themothernurture. com forward slash myself m y s e l f. So grab a copy of that themothernurture. com forward slash myself wherever you are on your journey. Again, whether you are newly postpartum, you are years into this parenting gig, you've just added maybe a second, a third, a fourth child, or you've just returned to work and you are asking yourself, when will I feel like myself again?
You get to Create what you want. You get to create how you feel and use this exercise to help you. When I think about creation, when I think about standing on the precipice of what do we want to feel now in this new stage, in this new season of our life, it's like sitting down with a blank canvas, or with a lump of clay, with a skein of yarn.
I'm a knitter, so that's what I would be sitting down with. And you start thinking about the possibilities of what you want to create with this raw material that you have. Now, I don't know about any of you who maybe dabble in crafts or artistic things, but I always notice that I have my tendencies. Even when I'm starting from scratch with this quote unquote blank canvas, I still create things in my way, if that makes sense.
I still create things that I am drawn to. I have patterns. And I think that's what makes all of our creations, all of our art, so unique. They are all like us. In some way, we are a part of what it is that we're creating. So yes, you're starting from scratch, but you're going to be influenced by you, your likes, your dislikes, the patterns that you find interesting, the colors, the shapes that you appreciate and enjoy, and those things will probably change throughout your life.
So when you think about who you are now, you can remember. What you loved about the you that you are remembering, the you that you are missing, the you that you keep telling yourself you want to get back to. Maybe that version of you loved to go out and try new restaurants. Maybe she loved going for hikes and having outdoor adventures.
Maybe she loved to host parties and get togethers with friends. She was a social butterfly. Maybe she loved to travel and see new places. Or maybe she loved bright clothing, adventurous outfits, funky outfits. Maybe she loved cooking and trying out new recipes. And as you sit here today as a parent with probably less time than you'd like to have, less freedom in some ways, let's be honest, it might feel really hard or it might feel a little bit hopeless to think about doing those things or being that person who does those things again.
It doesn't make sense to wear beautiful dresses or funky outfits when I'm covered in spit up all the time or my kids are always spilling food on me or they have sticky fingers. Right? I'll just wear leggings. I'll just wear sweatpants. I'm not shaming sweatpants or leggings. I love those. Right? Or I can't leave for hours to go hiking.
Who's going to watch the kid or do all of the things that need to be done? Or it's so much harder now to pack up and go on a trip when we've got sleep schedules and feeding schedules or, you know, child care. Or, all of my friends have kids too and everyone has to be home for bedtime so we don't hang out anymore.
Or, I'm so tired, the last thing I want to do is cook. So if you take out this Venn diagram, if you grab your PDF again at themothernurture. com forward slash myself, in the left circle, I want you to list out all of the things that you loved about you. about your life before this current stage or this season.
Then in the right circle, I want you to describe your life today. What does it look like today? When I initially did this exercise years ago, on my right circle, I wrote, I'm tired all the time. I'm a homebody, because my baby has set schedules. I'm always nursing or pumping. And I wrote, I'm a social media addict.
I was buffering, trying to escape my everyday life, so I was spending so much time on my phone. Then your challenge is to look at that intersecting space, the space where the two circles cross, where these versions of you overlap. And this is where you get to create. This is where you get to have fun.
So my examples in that center circle, instead of always going to concerts, which was something I love to do, live music, could I listen? And explore new music more at home. Could I put on the record player more frequently and fill my home with music? Could I wear bright and fun colors that are nursing friendly?
This was my season of the button up. I always had so many button ups, but I bought them in fun colors and I made sure that everything was washable and I had a great stain remover. Could I have friends over? And if they didn't have kids, trust that they'd understand what life is like with a baby. And if they did, could I set up a pack and play, for my friend's kids to nap and hang out?
And could I be more flexible and take my son out, right? Could I throw the nap schedule aside for a day here and there to experience some of that again? My client who did this recently in her center section said she'd like to take her kids out on the trails more and out in nature because that's something she missed.
And she wanted to put more color on her walls and have more art prints from the places that she loved to travel. You get to create and experiment and have fun in this middle space. You get to uncover the parts of you that you miss and find ways to bring them into your new reality. That version of you is not gone, she's inside you.
Are there more constraints? Probably. Will some of this be challenging? Yeah. But is the challenge worth it to you? And can you think also, what are you modeling for your kids? Who do they see or who do you want them to see as they grow up and learn about you? Are you just mom? Are you all encompassing mom?
Or are you mom? And a wife, a friend, a gardener, a runner, a musician, an appreciator of art or music. Are you a traveler, a hostess, a potter, a cook, a baker, and on and on and on. I would argue that you're not finding yourself in this exercise. You're not trying to feel like yourself again. You're creating this next version of yourself.
You're not lost. There is nothing to find. You are allowing the influence. of the things that you miss, that you used to love, come into play as you create this next version. In my one on one coaching program, we use the Venn diagram of you as a starting point. Then we create a plan for following through on those ideas that you have at the intersection of life before and life now.
We look at how you spend your time. We streamline things and we make the chores and responsibilities and work of everyday life more efficient so that you have time to do these things that will help you feel like you. Or as one of my clients so famously said, I will never forget, it's about finding time for and prioritizing the things that make you feel alive.
If you want that in your life too, let's work together. Your next step would be to fill out an application on my website. at themothernurture. com forward slash application. I will follow up with you with more information and next steps so you can decide if this is a fit for you. And as always, all of the links, links to anything I reference here, the downloadable PDF that you can grab for this particular exercise, you can find those in the show notes on my website at themothernurture.
com forward slash. podcast, make sure that you're subscribed so you don't miss a future episode. And if you love what you're learning here, I would be so grateful if you shared it with another working mom in your life. All right. Can't wait to hear what you create with your Venn diagram of you to help you feel more alive and feel like yourself again.
And until the next episode, take care. Talk soon.
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